"Getting to Know You" by Brad Miller

Recently, I was working at a fundraiser. During one of my breaks Elise Harvey called me over and had me sit across from her. She started by saying. "Brad, I want to know more about you - so tell me about yourself". Elise caught me off guard, but I didn't want to be rude, being a good mid-western chap, so I just started talking. The following is a little of my history. It has more details than Elise got - but she was the inspiration.

Elise's leading question was "So Brad, what is the most important thing in your life?"

I knew the answer to this one. Recovery! Since my early twenties I had struggled with addiction in one form or another. Alcohol, religion, sex, and finally drugs - all are a part of my story. At first it didn't seem like much of problem, I was responsible. I was paying bills, showing up for work on-time. In fact, it was not unusual for me to be employee of the month. I thought I was a good husband and father. People seemed to like me. But, I had a secret that was VERY difficult for me to manage. I was Gay! I needed something to help me manage the pain. Chemicals seemed to be the answer

Eight years ago, when I was at the very end of my rope, I found Recovery. I found that I am powerless over my addiction and that I needed a new way of dealing with Life. I had used either a chemical, a substance, a religion, and/or a person to deal with living. Now I have a relationship with my Higher Power, the 12 steps and a recovery community to help me navigate my way out of a life of grandiosity and self-loathing. Now I try to live a normal everyday life as a sober man dealing with Life on life's terms.

I was raised in a Pentecostal home. I was ‘saved' at 7. I'm not sure what a 7 year old little boy needs to be saved from - but none the less, I was hooked. At nine, I was ‘speaking in tongues, casting out devils and healing the sick. (At least there weren't snakes). I started to lead worship and preach at age 14. It was now my task to save the world from hell. I was a little boy who wanted to please my parents, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, my pastor, my church, and most of all God. EVERYONE was watching my every move! Which was tough for me to manage!

I graduated from high school (home schooled) at the age of 16. At 17 I started a 4 year stint at various Pentecostal bible colleges. Sometime during that I met my lovely wife. I was married at 18 and ordained as a minister at the age of 20. I was an Assistance Pastor of an Assembly God church in San Antonio, Texas for 2 years and a father at age 21. (By the way, my beautiful daughter lives with me now. Her name is Ashlie. She turned 23 in May.)

At age 21 I had a devastating confrontation between my religion and my budding sexual orientation and it wasn't pretty. It was a scandal that left me and my wife devastated, wounded and rejected by our religion and my family. I wanted help but got something very different. Not knowing any people that were openly Gay, I couldn't imagine living that "lifestyle" that I had been told being Gay promoted. So I went back in the closet and had a BIG martini. This is when my addiction took full swing. I knew God loved me - but my religion told me that I was an abomination.

About that time, I read two books that started my journey to the Fellowship. The name of the first book was "What You Think of Me, Is None of My Business" by Terry Cole-Whittaker, and "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield. This was my first introduction to "New Age, New Thought" ideas. All through my adult life, I felt "called" but didn't know what to do with it. I didn't realize at the time that my addiction was getting in the way of my spiritual growth. Somewhere in there, I went back to school and got a degree in Computer Science and had a very success career in the field of Software Development. Then when I turned 38 my addiction got the best of me. By the time I turned 40 I had lost everything and then some.

In the fall of 2003, I found myself, again without hope and I screamed (to God) for help. Through a series of miracles I landed in Lansing, Michigan and reunited with my family who I had been estranged from since 1982. The miracles that have occurred in the last three years have been beyond my wildest expectations. God definitely has responded to my call for help. After moving here from San Diego, I got connected to the recovery community in Lansing which has been so life changing. After I got that established I started searching for a church that would allow me to make peace with my childhood religion and help me figure out what to do with this "calling" that I still strongly feel.

For years I had heard about "A Course in Miracles" when I attended the Religious Science churches in San Diego, but couldn't bring myself to spend $30 for a book that seemed so hard to read. Early last year, I had a strong urge to find out more about it. So, I searched for a copy of the course, which was not an easy task in Lansing. Finally, I found it at the holistic book store in Williamston. I only had $10 to my name at the time. I struck up a conversation with the owner and told her a little of my story. I let her know that I didn't have enough to buy the book today but I would be back at the end of the week. She wouldn't take no for an answer, she let me buy it on credit, without even knowing me. Wow! I opened it up and it started to speak to me. She also was the one that let me know about the Fellowship for Today. I went to your website and I was impressed with all the information about the School of Ministry and felt that the Purpose and Guiding Principles fit so well with what I have discovered in my spiritual path. So I started coming to the Fellowship. I came a few times and even spoke with Rev. Karen Arndorfer - but wasn't sure if the Fellowship was for me.

During the summer of 2005 I was having a difficult time. I got the Fellowship's Voyages newsletter in the mail. The articles fed my soul and I was thrilled to find articles that were full of thoughts that I had been reading in the Course. 2 months later I got another newsletter had the same experience. So I decided to let my reservations go and start coming again. As I have become more familiar with the history of the Fellowship and started attending the Course discussion groups, I have found a loving spiritual community that has provided a loving environment for my personal growth.

I am honored to a part of the Fellowship for Today and look forward to serving you in whatever capacity that my skills and experience can provide the Fellowship. In my role as the Communication and Office Coordinator I am excited about working with you to discover ways let others know that we exist and how we can support them in their spiritual journey. As well as working on ways to better support the current members.

As they say, "More will be revealed..."