Fellowship for Today Blog

Are you Judgemental of others? Recall a time when you judged someone. You knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were right, and they were wrong. Now recall how that turned out. Did the other person concede to your right judgement? Or did your relationship turn sour?

In the Voyages newsletter dated March-April 2008, Matt Bliton discusses Ken Wapnick’s The Healing Power of Kindness: Releasing Judgement. In his book, Ken says that “In order to judge anything rightly, one would have to be fully aware of an inconceivably wide range of things, past, present and to come… And one would have to be certain there is no distortion in

his perception, so that his judgment would be wholly fair to everyone on whom it rests now and in the future. Who is in a position to do this? Who except in grandiose fantasies would claim this for himself?” (Manual, 10.III.3:3, 6-7.)

The Course, stressing that everyone has similar experiences with similar sorts of results, offers a solution: “You have no idea of the tremendous release and deep peace that comes from meeting yourself and your brothers totally without judgement.” (Text, 3.VI.3:1). That includes judgement of others with illnesses.

Sometimes those of us that follow New Thought, or even ACIM secretly see others with illnesses as having those illnesses because they aren’t more righteous. This blaming the victim reminds me of a quote attributed to Hitler. As he looked out over suffering concentration camp inmates, he said, “They must be bad people to have made me so mad at them.” Can you feel the insanity of this justification, this most twisted logic? That’s Judge-mental!

We address this by learning the atonement (at-one-ment) the Course teaches. It is not about relieving guilt. It is about recognizing the connection with all things. If I am connected, then what can I fear? In The Healing Power of Kindness, Wapnick stresses that a “teacher of God” is someone who sees that another person is suffering, and is mindful in response to that suffering, not Judge-mental.

For the complete article, see the Voyages newsletter dated March-April 2008.

As Easter approaches everything seems to be transforming. One metaphysical interpretation for the Crucifixion, Redemption, and Resurrection events of Easter is found in the Voyages newsletter dated March-April 2008.

Karen Arndorfer explains that the Crucifixion is symbolic of our suffering. The thorns representing the pain we inflict on ourselves. As A Course In Miracles states, “Crucifixion is always the ego’s aim.”   

Redemption is illustrated by the tomb and boulder. It is the choice we have for peace over suffering. This choice leads to Resurrection.

Resurrection, symbolized by lilies, the bloom of purity, reveals our knowledge of what we really are - a beautiful child of God.

As ACIM states, “Each day, each hour and minute, even every second, you are constantly deciding between the crucifixion and the resurrection, between the ego and the Holy Spirit.” And so we let Easter remind us that we are a child of God that can choose Love.  

For the complete article read Crucifixion, Redemption, and Resurrection in the Voyages newsletter dated March-April 2008.

Coming Home to Myself

The Oneness I know today is of the heart, not the mind. Although the language of telling cannot capture what the heart feels, Rumi comes the closest for me:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.

I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase, “each other” doesn’t make any sense.

The longing for Oneness was there for me from my earliest memories, so intense that it was the driving force of my life. I spent over 60 years looking outside myself for something, anything to fill what I perceived to be an emptiness, a flaw inside. I tried it all—relationships, organized religion, addiction to alcohol, shopping, reading, endless searching—and of course nothing filled the void.  

When I first read about the Oneness Blessing, there was a profound connection and tug on my heart. There was a knowing that allowed me to leave a rather secluded life and travel half way around the world to Fiji and then to India by myself. It was certainly part of the search to somehow make myself whole, but with an unusual confidence that I was meant to do this. I will forever be in gratitude for the experience of uncovering the hidden away parts of myself by painfully pealing away the layers I had built as protection. I learned to embrace all of me and slowly opened the door to loving myself.

I began to develop a concept of what Oneness was: I would see and feel myself as being intimately a part of everything else. Somehow the veil would part and I would remember who I had always been. I would suffer no more and be in a state of constant bliss in connection with the Divine and more. So, I did the practices, the rituals, always with the hope that this time I would get it. Finally I would be able to surrender, whatever that meant.

In spite of embracing myself and all that happened in my life, I was still struggling with what Oneness was. It was often in hindsight that I realized I was changing, that my experience of life was different: I didn’t wake up with dread in the pit of my stomach, nothing really bothered me much or for very long, I was more able to let people be who they were and didn’t worry what they thought about me. I was amazed at how relaxed I was becoming in my skin. But I still wanted the ultimate connection to the Divine. I didn’t really know what that would be like, but I did know that it was still my desire. 

One evening several months ago, I heard the words—really heard, “All you need to do is be yourself, as you were created to be.” It was a huge revelation even though I had heard those exact words countless times from my dear guide who never gave up on me. At that point I actually said out loud, “Okay, You (God) win! I will be me.” I truly felt, at the core of my being, that I was finished searching. The answer I got immediately was, “Actually, you win. By being you, you are Me—allowing Me to experience life through you.” 

Now, the following words that had been clichés for me in the past took on a new meaning: “You are what you have been looking for. What you are looking for is looking out through your eyes.”

Today Oneness means coming home to myself, accepting every personality quirk and every memory of past deeds. By totally embodying myself and every pain, sorrow and joy along the way, I am able to connect with the world around me. 

Today I understand that decades of longing and emptiness were the call to reconnect to myself and to find the love I had so desperately wanted inside my own heart. This is the Divine connection and Oneness I so longed for and it was only a short journey from head to heart.

By Lee Schaberg

The Good Word Is Peace

Surely peace is the one thing that people are wishing for. There are several kinds of peace, but the peace that underlines all other forms is the inner peace that brings calm to the soul.

Would you like to know how to achieve that kind of peace and how to keep it? The answer is simple but not very easy to do. It involves not giving power, not giving attention to the unhappy thoughts and the anxieties of life that most of us waste our energies on. It means seeing the good in every situation no matter how trying it may appear to be at the moment. It means looking for the reality, the true self in every person however he may be conducting himself.

A realization that the world is getting better, not worse, and a feeling that you are constantly evolving into a finer being; these will bring to you a measure of inner peace that you may not yet have experienced.

So today, tell yourself, “Let the peace of the world begin in me. I am relaxed, calm and peaceful.”

-Amalie Frank (from her book Amalia’s Good Words)

Let It Begin With Me

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.   – Mother Teresa

When Fellowshipian Nancy Bernthal announced that she would lead a class about attracting the right kind of mate into one’s life, I was thrilled to sign up! Based on the book, Calling in the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas, we are working on how to be the kind of person we must be to attract the right partner. Being divorced for one year, I felt I would benefit greatly from such a class.

For most of my life, I have not been kind to myself and have lived with deep-seated fears that I’m unworthy, unlovable, unattractive and just not good enough. I have also attracted people into my life who treat me in the same abusive ways that I treat myself. Iyanla Vanzant writes, “Sooner or later, we must all accept the fact that in a relationship, the only person you are dealing with is yourself.” I am discovering that my intimate relationships can never be any better than my relationships with myself.

Most of the focus of this class has been inward— affirming our desires and needs, as well as healing us, our fears, our excuses and resentments, and our self-esteem. We are expanding our capacity to give and receive love by practicing generosity, challenging old fears, taking responsibility for the quality of our relationships and learning ways to create more meaningful connections with others through loving communication.

The greatest lesson I have learned is that I cannot receive the kind of love I desire until I can truly love myself. I also cannot be a good partner until I can truly love myself and enjoy the company I keep when I am alone. I intend to love myself and to attract a man who loves himself. My hope is that in a healthy relationship, we can unconditionally love each other rather than depend on each other to heal past wounds and fill unmet needs.

Debbie Ford recently tweeted, “It is our job—the sacred task to which we’ve been assigned—to learn to love the person that we are, as we are, in the moment.” She offers an easy-to-follow exercise to practice self-love: “Bring the same compassion and loving-kindness to your own sweet self that you would extend to a child or to a loved one in need.” I now know my inner child longs for and deserves compassion and loving-kindness that must come from within.

Beginning in childhood, I have participated in Southern beauty pageants and singing competitions. I learned early in life to perform for applause and to seek approval from others. I can relate to Judy Garland who said, “In the silence of night I often wished for just a few words of love from one man, rather than the applause of thousands.”

What I am learning in this class is not to rely on a crowd or even one other person for my self-esteem and validation. I’m discovering that my self-worth is based on my relationship with the Divine, and nothing can separate me from my true nature. As a perfect creation of the Creator I’m learning to stop criticizing and treating myself as worthless.

We are often taught that low self-esteem, humility and martyrdom are noble. Marianne Williamson challenges this thinking: “We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”

I’m beginning to feel that this fabulous woman, Amber, is starting to let her bright light shine!

My journey of self-love continues, and until I meet my mate, I am reminded of my union with the Universal Divine. As Osho says,” Never feel lonely. You are never lonely. At the deepest core of your being, God resides.”

Recognizing the Real Goal

I’m a bottom line kind of person—just tell me what needs to be done, and my goal is to get it done.

As a business owner, that approach served me well. In my personal relationships, it has caused challenges and many hours of soul searching to try to find a better way. This has been most apparent in my interactions with my aging mother; my goal-oriented approach was placing a strain on both of us. I knew I needed to change my way of thinking about the situation, but I couldn’t seem to find a way to do so.

Mom is no longer able to drive. So for the past few years we have had a 9 a.m. date on Wednesdays. First we go to get her hair done and then we buy her groceries, run errands, and finish by having lunch before I go to work at 1:00. Over time, I have found myself becoming more impatient and cranky with the whole process. With Mom’s age and physical limitations, each task was taking much longer than I thought it should and I was always stressed about having to get to work. Soon I started dreading Wednesday mornings. My goal-oriented nature was at odds with her abilities. I was frustrated and beating myself up for my lack of patience with her. What’s worse, I’m sure she could sense my impatience, as well.

My turning point came one night in meditation. I heard Reverend Brad’s voice and his lesson urging me to ask, “Holy Spirit, help me see this another way.” I did that and felt a huge shift almost immediately. My realization? So simple! Being goal-oriented wasn’t the problem. I’d just been focusing on entirely the wrong goal. I’d been focused on her errands, hair appointment and groceries, and had been missing the more important goal—spending the morning with my mother. This new way of seeing the situation has allowed me to relax for the first time. Now I’m just happy to be with her at her own speed and enjoy our four hours together. The happy result is I have a goal that I can be successful at each week. It’s a goal that nurtures both of us, and is so much more worthwhile than being able to tick off errands accomplished.

I’m convinced the Universe brings me the lessons I need, just when I need them. Each day now, as I am immersed in my suddenly expanded duties with the Fellowship because of Reverend Brad’s medical leave, I find myself looking at each task in a new way and asking myself, “What is the real goal here?” This question has given me a deeper perspective and a constant reminder to keep focused on the bigger picture: supporting everyone who comes into contact with me at the Fellowship in Learning Living Love Together.

By Denise Wootton

Kitty and Me

We are only beginning to understand animals’ intelligence and their capacity to understand and communicate and relate to us.

 Last August a friend’s dog had an “accident” in my house. The next day my 17-year-old cat, K. D., stopped using her litter box. I realized this when I checked her box a few days later and there was nothing in it. I took her to the vet to see if she had a bladder or kidney problem but neither was the case.

I didn’t notice K. D. relieving herself anywhere else, but soon the odor problem could not be ignored. Visitors were noticing and commenting on it. I called the vet and followed suggestions to add more litter pans, try a flat “puppy pad,” and use only plain clay non-scented litter. None of these worked.

I researched on the Internet—nothing.  In my troubled state of mind I talked to Reverend Brad about the situation.  He paused a moment and then smiled and said, “Have you had a talk with her about it?”  Well of course I hadn’t. He knew it seemed like far-out advice but assured me that it certainly couldn’t hurt and would be worth a try.

I thought about it for a day or so and felt silly about having “the talk” with my cat. We baby talk to our pets or give them commands, but to sit down and resolve a problem by having a heart-to-heart talk as if talking to a friend or an actual child is something we don’t do. When I finally tried it, she listened as my tone of voice changed from cuddly to no-nonsense. I told her that it was very important to always use her litter box and that if she would please always use it she would be such a good girl. I repeated this several times. Later that day I saw that she had used the box. Yea! I praised her several times. It has become a daily practice to tell her how important it is and to praise her for doing it. K.D. hasn’t missed a beat (or her litter box) since.

God is and I cease to speak.I would stop right there, but my ego mind can’t just shut up and let God BE.

The God of my understanding is a work-in-progress. As a child I viewed God as a person, not unlike Santa Claus, white beard and all. This God gave you presents and loved you if you were good, but if you were bad he was not happy and might punish you. I later learned this was called “conditional love,” and it was much like the love of my parents.

I stayed with this idea about God most of my adult life, even though it never rang true for me.Then I read Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh, and found a God who seemed much more loving. This was a God who got bored with being One and created us to experience the universe. We were co-creators with this God. However, I could not understand why God created a world with death, natural disasters, disease and suffering. And like an answer to a prayer, A Course in Miracles came into my life.

The Course says God did not create this world of duality. We did it to ourselves when our One mind, peacefully at home with God, had the crazy, impossible dream that it could be separate from God, and forgot to laugh. So this universe of time and space, a dreamlike world of duality, seemed to arise from this mad idea.

So God is, outside of time and space, in perfect Oneness for us to all come home to by forgiving this world of duality. And we can go home by looking without judgment at the ego’s thought system — the mad idea of separation — and smiling.The hard part is we have to forgive everyone and everything, without exception (including ourselves). And we don’t get to go home to God alone, as our individual separate personal selves. We go home together, as One, back home to the Oneness we dreamt that we left.I love this God of formless, perfect Oneness, totally loving without exception. This God doesn’t have a personality, with wants, desires, wishes and expectations.

This is a God that just is.

PS: This is my current concept of God. I would never expect it to be yours. And I am free to change my mind at any time about my God. My hope is that each of you can imagine a God that is most helpful to you. I am sure that a loving God would not mind being seen in any loving form you could dream up.

By Bob Michell

There is a key difference between my anger and the anger of others: mine is always justified and theirs seems unreasonable and rather immature.

Ancient quotes reveal the folly of other people’s anger. Unfortunately, no amount of reading or philosophizing seems to have any impact on anyone’s anger if that anger is justified. Somehow, parts of the anger dance are hidden from us. For example, no matter how often I do forgiveness worksheets by michael ryce or Colin Tipping, I am surprised when I recognize my anger as a simple act of projection. This recognition is accompanied by an “Oh, yeah,” and a feeling of greater connection with the individual I had been angry at — until next time, of course, when I am again tricked by my self-justifications as easily as Bugs Bunny hoodwinks Elmer Fudd.

The underlying sentiment for most of my justified anger is “If it weren’t for __________ , I would be feeling great right now.” Twelve-step literature says that, while we are talented at blaming others, we are not so skilled at distinguishing between justified anger and unjustified anger. What if we are actually frustrated with something else and start shooting off our justified anger like a drunken cowboy firing shots into the air? Then we are horrified when we find that someone is hurt. “I didn’t mean it,” we might say. “I was just really mad.” In the midst of strong feelings, we cannot see the wisdom of Shakespeare: that it is only my thinking (about how wronged I was) that makes it so.

We might have an especially hard time accepting the Buddhist idea that wherever our anger resides, growth is in order. But it is this connection between thoughts and emotions that makes such strong feelings a gold mine for internal growth.

When they spoke at the Fellowship in October, authors Tomas Vieira and Nouk Sanchez advised, “Be grateful for your enemies.” They said our feelings of anger are the “red flags” that show us where we can grow. Similarly, Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön suggests we spend more time with our extended families to have our resentments provoked so we can get some real work done. Further, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche has said, “The role of a spiritual friend is to insult you,” which might imply that a spiritual friend is a personal enemy or vice versa; (I can’t tell). Chödrön might have captured the whole point by quoting Walt Kelly’s cartoon character Pogo, who said, “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

One saying of Buddhist scholar Atisha (cited in Chödrön’s book Start Where You Are) is, “Meditate on whatever provokes resentment.” Anger and resentment — like sex, drugs, alcohol, and other fun stuff — are not identified as bad in themselves, but as being harmful because they lead us away from peace. My anger wants to convince me it is my protector, like a cocoon, defending my immature reactions. According to Buddhist teaching, this cocoon (another way of talking about ego) cuts me off from transformation, and I am stuck, like being between the stages of the caterpillar and the butterfly. And being stuck is hell.

What about the argument that anger is a practical, defensive strategy and necessary for protection from dangerously offensive people “out there”? Anger may have some evolutionary benefit, but we know that the angry person, no matter how self-justified, has no joy. This brings to mind one of the most well-known questions of A Course in Miracles: “Would you rather be right or happy?” Justifiable anger is the kind of anger that is “right” and the misery that is felt along with it is, we are certain, a result of the offensive behavior of others. For ages we have been told that anger is brief insanity. “Justifiable” anger seems to have special preservatives added to extend its shelf-life.

Recently, I came upon pictures of Devadatta, a follower of Buddha who tried three times to kill the awakened one. Devadatta was probably convinced that his anger was justified. One picture shows boulders directly above the Buddha’s head, and the caption indicates that they fragmented above him, injuring him only with a cut on the foot. Devadatta came to asad end. He was expelled from the community (sangha), and though he apologized, a second picture shows Devadatta being swallowed by a hole in the ground and “drawn straight to the deepest hell, the terrible of Avici.” This is a strong tale of karma.

It is hard to imagine someone being homicidally angry with the Buddha, until we notice that the life expectancy for awakened individuals is tragically short. It is even harder to remember that the Buddha and Jesus taught that what is good in them is also the good found in all. This raises two questions. How could I be so angry with anyone? How could I defend anger and consider myself a follower of either of these teachers?

As I consider the sad ends of Devadatta and Judas, I would have to follow Atisha’s advice and “meditate on my anger” to gain insight from what I believe provokes me. What happens when I am angry? I go to a hellish state. Is it a punishment of an angry god? I suspect it is the internal consequence of closing my heart and suffering in the sweltering heat of my passions. And if I insist that I am a victim, that the situation that angers me is not my fault, my emotional system seems to hold me in that hell until I am willing to open my heart again.

Matt Bilton

Many of you know about the Michigan Peace Team, but for those who don’t, a little background: Many years ago, Lansing priest Fr. Peter Dougherty had a vision for a group of people to be trained in non-violent resistance. He envisioned it as a powerful tool for quelling violence in all sorts of situations – conflict among church members, violence at football games, Michigan Militia rallies, Ku Klux Klan rallies, and even in such extreme situations as violent interactions between Israelis and Palestinians. A core group was trained, and its members became the trainers for hundreds of people in Michigan and then for people in Mexico and the Middle East.

A few years ago I traveled with a group of Michigan Peace Team members to Ann Arbor. We had been invited by the city and its police department to provide a peaceful presence for a rally of Ku Klux Klan members. All of us had been trained in various techniques to prevent violence, and most of us had had some experience in similar situations. However, this occasion would be a special challenge for us because a group of counter-demonstrators had announced their intention to attend the rally to express opposition to the Klan. We didn’t know what techniques they planned to use. Would they be peaceful, or would they, themselves, be violent?

Two people from our group had agreed to interject themselves among the counterdemonstrators to give us a heads-up about their intentions, arriving early to attend their rally preceding the Klan event.

When their rally was over, we all joined the march of the counter-demonstrators to the City Hall plaza where the Ku Klux Klan members planned to speak. The city had planned well, surrounding the area where the Klan stood with bullet-proof glass, and several feet beyond that was a chain-link fence which had only one opening for dignitaries who wanted to see the rally up close.

Soon after we began the march, we got the word that the counter-demonstrators had rocks and bottles in their pockets. This was not going to be an easy situation. When we got to the chain link fence, we were told that the demonstrators planned to mow it down so that they could move closer to the Klan. So we stood with our arms linked and held them off.

As the Klan members spoke words of hatred about Jews, blacks, browns, and Catholics, the demonstrators tried to force their way through the Peace Team’s human fence. Some were throwing rocks and cans into the plaza. They called us racists, fascists, Nazis, and various other words I won’t repeat.

As I stood with my arms linked with people on either side of me, I was struck by the irony that the values of the Peace Team members were actually very similar to those of the counter-demonstrators. Many of us had walked in Civil Rights marches to promote equal treatment for African Americans. The only difference between us was that the counter-demonstrators were willing to use violence to express their outrage against the Klan, and we were not. Because we were trying to refrain them from violence, they saw us as sympathizing with the Klan. As all of this was happening, I became aware of an amazing thought — the counter-demonstrators were acting just like the Klan — thus reminding me of a very powerful lesson, that the end never justifies the means! When people resort to violence, whatever their cause, they diminish the result.

By Beth Bogue

As winter swirls around me, my mind turns to the Fellowship. It is amazing in so many ways.

Thanks to the strong foundation on which it was built, it has flourished as an interdependent spiritual community for 24 years.

In indigenous cultures, the experiences and teachings of those who have gone before are greatly valued and acknowledged. We, likewise, have been enriched by the ideas and creativity of the people who started the Fellowship, and by others who joined over the years. We have continued to grow and change as people have come and gone and as Universal Consciousness (Divine Oneness, God, Spirit…) has guided us.

Much of what I have been studying lately points to major energetic shifts on many levels. With these changes, we are being asked to become more empowered as individuals and as part of the Universal Consciousness. We do this by moving away from seeking love, approval, and healing from the outside. Instead we focus our attention inward and fully accept the responsibility for our own thoughts, acceptance and healing. Communities such as ours remind us that outside influences are not indicators of who we are, but merely reminders for us to return to Truth.

This calls for us to show up in new and different ways, creating communities that embrace this Universal shift. As in a jigsaw puzzle, each of us is critical to the whole picture. I envision the Fellowship fostering and utilizing the strengths of each individual. As we more fully practice compassion and make a commitment to preserve the dignity of others, we move forward together. We do this by seeing each person as a teacher and each experience as a learning opportunity, regardless of our judgments and/or projections.

When we embrace and honor differences, we see that others are merely reflections of the different aspects of ourselves. Hindus acknowledge the different aspects of God (Shiva, Ganesh, Shakti…) as belonging to the one God-essence. As equals on this “earth walk,” we are all ministers/teachers. We each have contributions to make, important roles to play. Our energy, spirit, and power expand as we work and celebrate together with this understanding.

Several important questions may arise: What is my part? How can I share my gifts? What are the blocks that keep me from acknowledging the true spiritual mentor/teacher within? Here in the Fellowship we support one another (and are supported) in finding the answers to these questions by consulting this Higher Self.

We are all capable, spiritual beings connected to the Divine Whole. None of us needs to know all the answers. We are each part of this dynamic community (and probably others) where the Divine Mind has many outlets.

The Fellowship provides a supportive and loving environment where we can grow and change. In 2008, I encourage you to share more of your energy and wisdom with the Fellowship family and with the greater community. By doing so, the mid-Michigan area will be touched by our Light. Sharing that Light thus nurtures its growth and we bathe in its collective rays, acting as a beacon to the world. Together we make a difference!

Karen Arndorfer, Minister

Music is my life. And yet, when I tell people that I don’t listen to music, they are usually flabbergasted. Why not? My answer varies, “because it’s my job” or “most music bores me.” So why am I writing this article on the Gift of Sound? To me, music is much more than a passive aural experience. 

My mother was a musician, and I grew up in a very musical household. I participated in choirs at church, choirs at school, musicals, bell choir, concert and marching band, orchestra, voice lessons, flute lessons . . . and the list goes on. I loved everything musical. Naturally, I wanted to be a musician. I determined that a music education degree was my best option in college. I moved to Michigan afterward and a year later,  answered an ad in the Lansing State Journal—there was a women’s chorus looking for an interim director. I’ve been with Sistrum ever since.

I was fresh out of my undergraduate program and really only had my intuition and an innate musicality to  stand on. Sistrum took a chance on me, and they’ve helped me grow into the musician/teacher I am today.In my view, there are three stages to the directing experience. What you all see and experience is the final stage—the performance! However, the music making and soul connections begin with intuition and a concept. Many times, one piece of music will speak to me, and I choose other pieces that work with that theme. Sometimes, the inspiration is external, like an anniversary or a festival where we’ve been invited to sing. Other times it is our annual concert where we can plan and contemplate our music selection several years out. Whatever the case, I mull the concept much like a piece of sand inside an oyster. Often, this process takes months.

The second stage is rehearsal. I love discovering unanticipated relevance in music throughout the rehearsal
stage. It’s a total left-brain activity—the research of the text, the analyzing of the form, making musical decisions, and forming a sound concept in my head. This is also the stage where I teach the piece of music to the chorus. It’s where we build a relationship between each other and the music. My goal is to make  learning a new song a collaborative experience. The soul of the music resides in the singers, not the director. The director assists the singer to express the emotion of the music. I simply facilitate, not dictate.

The final stage is the performance. By this time, there typically are only memorization glitches and sound
tweaks here and there. By the time we are on stage, the work is done and we can have fun. I love performances because I’m past the thinking phase and am totally focused on the moment. I let the energy from the singers move me, and channel that energy into a new exploration of the familiar text as the spirit moves us. There is a tremendous amount of trust between each singer and director on stage. For that moment in time, we are constructing a relationship between the music, the audience and ourselves. The end result is a palpable energy and sound that creates a unique choral experience, never to be repeated in exactly the same way.

Every aspect in developing a piece of music feeds some part of my soul. It is a multiple-faceted evolution, and yet, a labor of love. Awareness and creative thinking start the process, analysis and teaching are the cornerstones, and the performance is the convergence of hours of time spent studying, practicing and creating.

So, why don’t I listen to music? For me, music is a participatory activity, a give and take, and a process that
includes analyzing and creative thinking, not a passive listening experience. The energy of the participants is the soul of the music: without it, music simply doesn’t speak to me.

Vol. 15 No. 2 - Winter, 2011/12

By Meredith
Bowen

We come into this world with the tools we need to journey toward wholeness of body, mind, and spirit. Sound, especially self-created sound, is such a tool. It gives us access to wisdom and knowing. Our voice can heal the body and spirit, yet it weighs nothing, costs nothing, and takes up no space.

In childhood, many of us were denied our pleasure of singing because we did not measureup to specific standards, so we relinquished our true voice, our personal sounding power.

Finding my voice has been a long journey. A major step occurred in 1992 at a workshop led by Jonathan Goldman, followed by an amazing two-year commitment with Don Campbell and the School of Therapeutic
Sound and Music during which I experienced and explored many avenues of sound. The most transformational experience for me was that of toning.The term was first used in the 1960s by Laurel Elizabeth Keyes in her book Toningand she describes it as “an ancient method of healing—the idea is simply to restore people to their harmonic pattern.” Since then, using the human voice as an instrument for healing has become more known, studied, and defined. Now toning is defined as “the sustained, vibratory sounding of single tones, often vowel sounds, without the use of melody, rhythm or words. “

Bypassing language entirely, toning allows us to express our heart and soul directly, quieting the over-active left brain. The practice uses pure nonverbal sound to increase the flow of breath, balance energy
flow, release emotion, resolve past trauma and restore harmony to the body-mind system. And it facilitates deep breathing—to fully release sounds we have to expand the belly and diaphragm, thus inhaling more fresh air.

I use toning frequently because it’s easy, it adjusts to time and place, and most importantly, it releases and transforms pain and feelings without any analysis or mental dissection.

Some fundamentals: First and foremost, toning does not require any special skills,vocal ability or training, and is therefore available to all. Secondly, it is impossible to make a mistake!

To begin, simply find a comfortable position where the abdomen and diaphragm can move and expand and
your spine is straight. When you are ready, inhale through your nose feeling the expansion of your lower and  upper abdomen and then your lower and upper lungs. Release your breath through your mouth while making one long sustained sound. This is tone! When you make the sound, relax your jaw and let it hang open. Working with vowel sounds is particularly effective—they truly create a resonance in the physical body that is felt.

How about beginning right now?

Start with an A as in father. Gently, as you exhale, make the sound A and repeat with each exhale several times.

Now begin to play with the pitch. With your next out breath, lower the pitch. Do this several times. Then make the pitch higher, again using the A sound to receive the full effect. 

Your only intention is to pay attention to what is happening in your body and around you.

Now find the most comfortable pitch/tone and repeat the A for several more exhales, experiencing the sound of your own voice. When you are done, be still and pay attention to the silence. Notice what you are experiencing within and without. 

There! You have toned! If you feel inhibited by making strange sounds, you’re  not alone. One way to overcome this is to start humming and feel the vibration.

We live in a universe of sound; at the core of our physical existence we are composed of sound. Every cell, organ, and body system responds as a group to sound vibration. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we had the proper hearing apparatus? We might even be able to hear our own harmony and disharmony. The ancients knew this, and the scientific community is now using the technology to validate this premise.

My husband once explained to me the growth of the modern singer-songwriter. He told me that back in the day, prior to recordings, there were a select few composers who published music. Other musicians would pay the composers for their sheet music and that was the primary way music was disseminated.

In the 20th century, technology made it possible for artists to write, record and distribute music easily. More and more musicians began writing and performing their own music and the modern singer-songwriter was born. Although singersongwriters may be influenced by other musicians, they listen to their own inner wisdom. They rely on their direct connection to Source to create music. They let the music come through them.

This same process is happening with spirituality. In the past, we had to go to specific churches or teachers in order to hear music or divine truth. Now we are all waking up and listening to the music and the divinity within ourselves. We are learning that we are all directly connected to Source and divine wisdom is
available to each and every one of us. All we need to do is listen. -- Reverend Erin Fry

Fellowship Voyages - Full Winter Newsletter '11/'12

Just a few nights ago I dreamed that I heard noises in the basement. In my dream I got up,opened the basement door, and there was Sonny standing at the foot of the stairs. He lookedhealthy and strong, much as he looked about 10 years ago. I ran down the stairs and asked him to kiss me. He said he would as soon as he figured out what was wrong with the furnace. Then I looked into his eyes and asked, "Do you know that you are dead?" He said, "Yes I do, but it really doesn't matter." Then the dream ended.What I believe he meant was that our love would never end, and that our spirits would always be entwined. Itwas such an amazing gift to me! Now I am trying to hold on to these thoughts when I feel sad. -- Beth Bogue

Fellowship Voyages - Full Spring Newsletter '12